Wednesday, October 18, 2006
When my Dr. in Kamloops said "I can not see any medical reason why you should not conceive" what he should have been saying was "you have a snowball's chance in hell of conceiving". When he did the laparoscopy two years ago, all he told me was that one of my ovaries was surrounded in blood and that he had cleaned it up. He didn't tell me that it was actually attached to the side of my pelvis BEHIND my uterus (definetly not where it's supposed to be!), because of that I now have a chance of developing cysts on my ovaries, or that I have sever Endometriosis! He knew all this two years ago! My new Dr. at BC womens' hospital showed me the post operative report that my old Dr. wrote and it's all spelled out right there! Dr. Williams (my new Dr) did a pelvic exam and told me she wouldn't have had to do the laparoscopy to tell me that I have Endo. She was able to find all the spots right there! So I've gone through the last 26 months thinking "this might be the month!" when in actuality I may only have a 10% chance of conceiving in the next three years.
Adoption is the only way I'm guaranteed to have a child. We were planning on adopting anyway, but I was also hoping to give John a biological child, too. NOw I have to grieve for my lost hope of ever experiencing pregnancy. All this I should have been told two years ago so I could have grieved two years ago and been able to move on.
If a woman cannot do the one thing her body was made for, what does that make her?
I'm also quiting Tim Horton's today. It's hard going from a job that I love to a job that I hate, plus if I have to stay late at the clinic (which I often do) then I only get a max of 4 hours of sleep before I have to get ready for Timmy's. I promissed John that I'd start looking for another part time job tomorrow. Any part time job that I get would only be temporary as I'm waiting for Dr. Punia to increase my hours at the clinic - I'm told that can be at anytime. John's said that he would never ask me to leave the clinic, but he has also asked me many times to apply for the job that he's got. He's got a full time job that would either leave me with no time for the clinic or no time for him. So now I also have another HUGE choice to make. Do I leave the job that I love and have wanted since I was a child, or do I stay at the clinic and stay in debt longer?
posted by Turnoc's Lady @ 2:04 PM,
1 Comments:
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At 10:42 AM, October 21, 2006,
Frau said...
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I'm sorry for everything that your going though. Please know that I am always here if you want/need someone to talk to.